= =— ^ 


GIFT  or 


psi.: 


THE  r»\  .••■:."^   •\: 

EVER(xREE>- 


I 


FREEDOM   HILL 

THE    PLACE    OF 

EVERGREEN    HAPPINESS 


WRITTEN  BY  THE  FOUNTAIN  PEN  OF 
FREEDOM  HILL  HENRY 


PRINTED  AND  DRESSED  AND  PSYCHOLOGISED 
BY  THE  FREEDOM  HILL  FOLKS 


PRICE  TWENTY  FIVE  CENTS 

WHICH  IS  TOO  MUCH  IF  YOU  DON'T  READ  IT 

AND  NOT  ENOUGH  IF  YOU  DO 


FREEDOM  HILL  PRESSERY 

WHICH  PRINTS  BRAIN  TICKLERS 

RFD  A  BURBANK    CALIFORNIA 


This  hand  printed  edition  is  limited  to 
500  copies  numbered  and  autographed. 

Number      2  ^    ^ 


^ 


Copyrighted  1919  by  Lcroy  Henry 


INSTEAD  OF  A  PREFACE 

Dear  Comrade: 

If  you  like  this  booklet,  lend  it  to  your 
poor  friends  and  tell  your  rich  friends  to 
buy  a  copy.  If  you  don't  like  it,  keep 
quiet,  and  consult  a  specialist  on  mental 
diseases.  I  am  an  insane  specialist  and  I 
can  readily  tell  whether  any  one  is  just 
right  in  his  mind.  If  you  agree  with  my 
notions,  then  you  are  all  right.  If  you 
don't  agree  with  me,  then  I  know  you  are 
crazier  than  I  am. 

But  there  is  hope  for  you.  I  also  dis- 
pense other  kinds  of  medicine.  And  I  be- 
lieve you  have  the  ability  to  learn  to  see 
and  know  that  everything  in  this  world — 
or  anywhere  else — is  beautiful,  and  good, 
and  joy-giving.  And  the  only  thing  that 
prevents  our  being  evergreen  happy  is  our 
crooked  notions.  We  ought  to  go  to  a 
blacksmith  or  some  other  smith  and  have 
our  crooked  notions  straightened  under 
chloroform,  instead  of  letting  Nature  do  it 
by  her  slow,  painful  process. 

Freedom  Hill  Henry 


415011 


Digitized  by  tiie  Internet  Arciiive 

in  2007  witii  funding  from 

IVIicrosoft  Corporation 


littp://www.arcli  ive.org/details/freedomliillplaceOOIienrricli 


w 
o 

Q 
W 


Freedom   Hill 

the  place  of 

evergreen  happiness 


Bead  at  the  Crank's  Convention  on 
Freedom  Hill,  Sep.  3,  1917. 

The  name  ** Freedom  Hill,"  applied  to 
tliis  hill,  has  been  criticised.  The  critic 
said  the  hill  is  not  free.  If  she  meant  the 
fruits  and  flowers  here  are  not  free  for 
everyone  to  pluck  at  pleasure  without  per- 
mission, then  she  was  right.  When  the 
boys  and  I  came  to  this  hill  four  and  a 
half  years  ago,  the  hill  was  covered  with 
sage  brush  and  fresh  air.  Everything  else 
that  is  here  now  has  been  produced  by  us 
and  belongs  to  us  until  we  sell  or  give  it 
away.  So  it  seems  to  me.  By  some  politico- 
economic  legerdemain  it  may  be  iigured 
out  that  our  products  do  not  belong  to  us 
who  produced  them.  But  I  am  not  very 
skillful  at  philosophical  mental  slight-of- 
hand,  and  ao  I  am  not  able  to  figure  out 
how  these  fruits  belong  to  Tom,  Dick  and 
Harry  when  Henry,  Harper  and  Company 
produced  them. 

If  the  critic  thought  the  name  **  Free- 
dom Hill**  means  a  hill  on  which  she  could 
do  as  she  pleased  regardless  of  other  peo- 


pie's  rights  and  welfaxe,  then  she  was 
right  in  saying  this  is  not  a  freedom  hill. 
If  one  wants  a  hill  that  is  free  in  that 
sense,  she  can  go  to  any  hill  and  do  as  she 
pleases  and  take  her  chances  on  getting 
caught.  The  only  place  on  earth  that  a 
person  could  do  as  he  pleased  in  that  sense 
was  on  Kobinson  Crusoe's  Island  before 
Friday  came.  If  you  want  that  kind  of 
freedom  you  can  find  an  island  in  the 
ocean  that  will  just  fit  your  wants.  But 
if  you  are  going  to  associate  with  other 
human  beings  then  that  kind  of  freedom 
becomes  limited. 

Possibly  the  critic  found  fault  with  the 
name  because  people  cannot  do  as  they 
please  here  without  reaping  the  conse- 
quences. It  is  a  fact  that  the  laws  of 
Nature  apply  to  this  hill  as  well  as  to  the 
rest  of  the  universe.  The  law  of  cause 
and  e£fect  holds  good  here. 

No,  this  is  not  really  a  freedom  hill. 
That  is  only  a  name  that  I  applied  to  it 
and  so  far  it  has  stuck.  The  winter  rains 
have  not  washed  it  oflf,  nor  have  the  simi- 
mer  suns  curled  it  off. 

Where  is  a  real  freedom  hill?  I  mean  a 
hill  on  which  you  can  do  as  you  please 
without  suffering  any  unpleasant  results;  a 
hill  where  you  can  have  everything  you 
want  and  nothing  but  what  you  do  want. 
There  are  such  hills,  and  if  you  will  fol- 
low me  forty  minutes  I  will  show  you  one, 
and  you  can  buy  a  lot  on  it,  build  a  bunga- 


low,  get  a  Ford,  subscribe  for  **Tlie 
Times**  and  ever  after  live  happily. 

Where  can  it  be  found?  I  don*t  think 
you  will  find  one  in  any  geography,  nor  on 
any  map  of  the  earth.  Freedom  hills  are 
to  be  found  in  the  heads  of  happy  people — 
in  the  consciousness — where  all  the  most 
valuablo  things  are  found. 

But  let  us  look  at  the  subject  from  a 
material  standpoint.  I  suppose  a  freedom 
hill  would  be  a  hill  on  which  free  people 
lived.  I  have  not  yet  seen  any  free  peo- 
ple on  this  hill,  not  even  when  I  look  into 
the  looking  glass.  All  the  people  I  have 
seen  on  this  hill  are  slaves.  I  do  not  mean 
negro  slaves,  nor  wage  slaves.  I  mean 
white  slaves — appetite  slaves,  passion 
slaves,  pride  slaves  and  sensation  slaves. 

A  free  person  is  one  who  does  as  he 
pleases — all  the  time.  He  has  nothing  but 
what  he  pleases  to  have;  he  gets  nothing 
but  what  he  pleases  to  get.  You  may  not 
agree  with  my  definition  of  freedom.  If 
you  don*t,  that  is  your  misfortune  and  not 
mine.  My  definition  stands,  with  me,  until 
I  choose  to  change  it. 

**Jack  and  Jill  went  up  a  hill 

To  fetch  a  pail  of  water; 

Jack  fell  down  and  broke  his  crown, 

And  Jill  came  tumbling  after.** 

That  is  a  quotation.  I  do  not  write 
tragic  poetry.  They  didn't  go  up  a  free- 
dom hill,  because  on  a  freedom  hiU  they 
would   get   just   what   they  wanted,   and 


nothing  but  what  they  did  want.  They 
got  the  pail  of  water.  That  they  wanted. 
They  also  got  a  tumble,  which  they  did 
not  want. 

Can  you  imagine  a  condition  of  free- 
dom—  a  hill  of  freedom  on  which  you  could 
have  all  the  ice  cream  you  want  but  no 
scream  for  castoria?  Where  you  could 
have  all  kinds  of  cake  you  want  but 
no  stomach  ache?  Where  you  could  eat  all 
the  ham  and  bacon  and  pigs*  feet  you 
want  but  have  no  pig  diseases? 

We  are  in  slavery  as  long  as  we  can't 
get  what  we  want,  all  that  we  want,  and 
nothing  but  what  we  do  want.  Do  you 
think  we  shall  ever  become  skillful  enough 
to  get  all  that  we  want  and  nothing  but 
what  we  do  want?  Or,  in  other  words,  do 
you  think  we  shall  ever  become  free?  If 
we  can't  become  skillful  enough  to  get 
what  we  want,  maybe  WE  CAN  BECOME 
SIMPLE  ENOUGH  TO  WANT  WHAT 
WE  GET,  and  that  would  amount  to  the 
same  thing. 

In  order  to  do  and  to  get  what  we 
please  we  may  have  to  change  our  pleases. 
If  we  could  change  our  pleases  to  what 
we  do  do,  and  to  what  we  do  get,  then 
our  doing  and  our  getting  would  corre- 
spond with  our  pleases.  Then  we  could 
say  we  do  as  we  please  and  get  what  we 
please.  It  is  wonderful  how  logic  can 
make  impossible  things  easy.  The  way  to 
do  as  we  please  is  to  be  pleased  with  what 


we  do.  The  way  to  get  what  we  want  is 
to  want  what  we  get.  The  way  to  be 
free  is  to  be  content  with  out  lot. 

Now  I  have  given  you  a  secret  of  hap- 
piness— a  secret  worth  a  million  dollars  to 
you  if  you  will  take  it  and  use  it.  And 
I  am  not  charging  you  a  dollar  for  it. 
I  am  a  rich  man  and  can  afford  to  give 
away  millions  of  dollars  worth  every  year. 
There  are  about  seventy  of  you  people 
here,  and  if  I  received  what  this  informa- 
tion is  worth,  I  would  get  seventy  million 
dollars  to  add  to  my  bank  account,  which 
would  give  me  a  bank  balance  of  seventy 
million  and  seventeen  dollars  drawing  four 
per  cent  interest. 

But  I  will  not  charge  you  anything  for 
it.  It  is  not  worth  anything  to  you  unless 
you  accept  it — and  you  won't  accept  it. 
I  have  had  experience  in  trying  to  teach 
people  these  things.  I  don't  deceive  my- 
self any  more  by  believing  I  am  helping 
people  in  telling  them  such  things.  Many 
years  ago  I  wrote  an  essay  on  Non-attach- 
ment and  I  have  read  it  to  about  a  hun- 
dred and  fifty  people.  But  as  far  as  I 
know  only  one  person  accepted  the  idea. 
And  in  a  few  months'  time  she  changed 
herself  from  an  ordinary  miserably  happy 
woman,  like  some  of  you,  to  one  of 
the  happiest  women  in  the  city.  I  was 
puffed  up  with  conceit  in  my  ability  to 
lead  people  out  of  misery  into  evergreen 
happiness.    The  next  miserable  woman  who 


came  under  my  influence,  I  worked  on  for 
a  year,  but  left  lier  as  miserable  as  I  found 
her.  My  conceit  bubble  was  broken  and 
ever  since  I  have  been  a  humble  citizen. 

I  am  saying  these  things  to  you  just  for 
my  own  pleasure.  A  canary  bird  doesn't 
sing  for  your  benefit.  He  sings  for  his 
own  pleasure  and  cares  nothing  for  your 
applause  or  hisses. 

Somebody  has  said  something  against 
casting  pearls  before  swine.  But  I  find 
there  is  no  danger  in  it.  Swine  will  not 
take  the  pearls.  Swine  would  rather  root 
in  a  dung  heap  for  delicious  grains  of  com, 
or  something  else  to  tickle  the  palate,  or 
some  other  of  the  five  senses. 

**He  that  hath  ears  to  hear,  he  will 
hear.  *  * 

If  you  should  find  an  ear  doctor  who 
can  adjust  ears  so  they  can  hear  some- 
thing besides  the  sound  of  the  dinner  bell 
and  the  clothing-house  bell,  and  the  dance 
bell,  and  the  village  belle,  I  wish  you 
would  let  me  know.  I  would  like  to  find 
an  ear  doctor  who  could  attune  ears  so 
they  could  hear  the  still  small  voice  that 
speaks  from  within,  or  some  other  voice 
worth  while.  And  when  I  find  him  I  will 
take  treatments  of  him,  and  get  a  bunch 
of  his  cards  to  give  to  you. 

I  know  what  you  will  do  after  hearing 
this  essay.  You  wiU  continue  to  try  to 
get  happiness  out  of  sensation  and  emo- 
tion sprinkled  with  a  bit  of  intellect.    That 


is  what  ycu,  and  I,  have  he«n  trying  all 
our  lives,  and  we  are  still  following  the 
injunction, 

*'If  at  first  you  don't  succeed, 
Tiy,  try,  again.** 

We  shaU  try  to  smell  only  the  pleasant 
odors.  We  shall  smell  the  carnations  and 
the  roses  and  the  bottled  perfumes.  But 
in  spito  of  our  efforts,  w©  shall  smell  the 
dead  mouse  back  of  tho  chest,  and  the  to- 
bacco smoke  in  front  of  the  chest. 

And  so  with  sounds,  and  sights,  and 
feelings. 

The  most  of  our  time  and  money  and  en- 
ergy are  devoted  to  the  seeking  of  pleasant 
sensations — tickling  the  five  senses. 

To  the  most  of  us,  life  is  a  tickling 
process.  In  tickling  we  live  and  move  and 
have  our  being.  This  is  not  a  bible  quota- 
tion, but  it  is  as  true  as  scripture.  We 
have  five  senses,  several  emotions  and  a 
little  intellect,  and  we  use  all  the  ability 
we  have  in  devising  ways  and  means  of 
tickling  these. 

We  tickle  the  mouth  with  pie  and  cake 
and  cajidy  and  gum.  We  tickle  it  regu- 
larly three  times  a  day,  and  irregularly 
between  meals  as  opportunity  offers.  The 
streets  are  well  supplied  with  restaurants 
and  candy  shops  and  soda  fountains  and 
they  do  a  flourishing  business  even  in  hard 
times.  We  have  no  intention  of  giving  up 
any  of  the  tickling  business,  even  in  war 
times. 


I  have  been  a  poor  man  up  to  the  pres- 
ent time,  but  I  have  just  discovered  how 
to  get  rich,  and  how  to  get  rich  quick. 
And  I  will  let  you  into  the  secret.  Invent 
and  market  a  new  tickler — a  tickler  that 
will  tickle  louder  and  harder  than  the  old 
ticklers.  Invent  a  serious  coffee,  or  a  hawk 
cigar,  or  a  double  pointed  spearmint  gum. 
Invent  something  to  tickle  the  mouth,  or 
the  feelings,  or  pride.  It  will  sell  like 
hot  cakes. 

I  am  going  to  invent  the  greatest  money 
maker  that  was  ever  known.  I  am  going 
to  invent  a  series  of  adhesive,  soluble, 
palatal,  taste-tickling  flabs.  They  will  be 
thin,  flexible,  flavored  flabs  that  you  stick 
to  the  roof  of  your  mouth  while  you  eat 
or  drink.  Flab  No.  1  will  be  a  concen- 
trated extract  of  beef  flavor  and  when 
you  want  a  ten  cent  bowl  of  fine  beef 
soup,  you  take  a  flab  No.  1,  stick  it  to 
the  roof  of  your  mouth,  and  drink  a  cup 
of  hot  water.  While  you  are  drinking  the 
hot  water,  the  Henry,  adhesive,  soluble, 
palatal,  taste-tickling,  flexible,  flavored 
flab  will  slowly  dissolve  on  your  palate 
and  you  will  imagine  you  are  having  a  fine 
bowl  of  Delmonico*s  hot  beef  soup.  And 
you  will  not  be  cheating  your  stomach 
either,  for  your  stomach  would,  any  day, 
rather  have  a  cup  of  hot  water  than  the 
stuif  that  is  in  soup.  And  when  you  want 
a  dish  of  vanilla  ice  cream,  just  stick  to 
your   palate   a   Henry,    adhesive,    soluble, 


palatal,  taste-tickling,  flexible,  flavored 
flab  No.  2,  and  then  eat  a  dish  of  plan 
cold  corn  meal  mush,  and  you  wlU  enjoy 
all  the  pleasant  sensations  of  eating  real 
ice  cream. 

These  flabs  will  retail  at  one  cent  each 
and  give  me  a  profit  of  300%.  I  wiU  pre- 
pare 57  flavors  ranging  from  vegetable 
soup  to  Limburger  cheese,  suiting  all 
palates  at  all  times  of  day.  I  expect  to 
run  out  of  business  all  candy  shops,  ice 
cream  parlors  and  soda  fountains.  Oh! 
how  I  shall  make  money!  I  shall  make 
the  inventor  of  postum  cereal  feel  like 
thirty  cents.  And  next  Thanksgiving 
Eockefeller  will  invite  me  to  his  standard 
turkey  dinner. 

Our  sense  of  feeling  is  tickled  in  the 
saloon  and  at  the  cigar  stands  and  in  the 
red  light  houses  and  on  the  roller  coaster. 
The  tickling  of  the  sex  sense  I  have  heard 
is  the  basis  of  some  marriages. 

The  nose  is  tickled  by  perfumes  from 
the  flowers  and  the  drug  store. 

The  eyes  are  tickled  by  paintings  and 
theaters  and  statuary  and  scenery. 

The  ears  are  tickled  by  music  and  birds 
and  graphophones.  A  friend  of  mine  paid 
four  hundred  dollars  for  a  player  piano 
just  to  tickle  his  ears. 

Our  pride  is  tickled  by  owning  fine 
houses  and  fine  clothes  and  other  things  a 
little  finer  than  the  other  fellow  has.  I 
once  heard  a  story  of  two  farmer  neighbors 


who  tried  each  to  outdo  the  other  to  tickle 
their  pride.  One  bought  a  fine  buggy  and 
the  other  bought  a  finer  one.  One  built 
a  big  house  and  the  other  built  a  bigger 
one.  One  bought  for  himself  a  tombstone 
and  had  lettered  on  it,  **Here  I  lie  as  snug 
as  a  bug  in  a  rug.'*  The  other  bought  a 
taller  stone  and  had  lettered  on  his,  **Here 
I  He  snugger  than  that  other  bugger.** 

We  tickle  our  pride  by  shining  our  shoes 
while  our  feet  are  dirty  and  stockings 
holey.  When  people  say  something  good 
about  us  we  say,  ** Thank  you,*'  in  order 
to  show  we  are  glad  to  have  our  pride 
tickled,  and  to  encourage  them  to  do  it 
again. 

The  most  of  our  time  and  money  are 
spent  in  tickUng  pride,  taste  and  feeling. 
These  three,  faith,  hope  and — ^no,  no;  these 
three,  pride,  taste  and  feeling;  but  the 
greatest  of  these  is  feeling. 

We  tickle  our  intellects  a  little  by  read- 
ing the  newspaper  and  arguing  religion 
and  prohibition  and  war. 

And  so  we  tickle,  tickle,  tickle  all  the 
day.  Ever  watching  for  a  chance  to  tickle 
louder  any  way. 

I  suppose  each  fellow  devotes  most  of 
his  time  tickling  the  senses  or  faculties 
that  are  best  developed  in  him.  Or,  in 
other  words,  each  feUow  tickles  the  part 
of  himself  that  will  tickle  the  loudest.  If 
a  man  has  a  good  mouth  backed  by  good 
digestion  and  can  get  a  big  sensation  from 


that  mouth,  he  tickles  it.  He  doesn't  eat 
to  nourish  his  body;  he  eats  to  tickle  his 
mouth. 

And  so  on  through  the  list  of  organs 
and  faculties.  Some  people  get  more  pleas- 
ure from  one  and  some  from  another. 
When  we  entertain  a  friend  we  do  it  by 
tickling.  If  we  know  his  strong  points, 
(or  should  I  say  weak  points?)  then  we 
know  what  to  tickle.  You  can  tell  just 
what  your  friend  thinks  of  you  "by  notic- 
ing what  part  of  you  she  tickles  when  she 
tries  to  entertain  you  and  show  you  a  good 
time.  I  have  a  lady  friend  who  doesn't 
seem  to  think  I  have  anything  but  a 
mouth.  If  she  expects  my  coming,  she 
prepares  a  certain  dish  for  me. 

But  there  is  hope.  Experience  is  the 
great  teacher,  and  we  all  get  a  plenty  of 
it.  You  may  have  seen  the  motto  post 
card  that  reads,  '  'Life  is  one  damned  thing 
after  another."  I  quote  this  to  show  you 
that  somebody  else  besides  myself  thinks 

we  get  a  lot  of  experience.     The  d d 

things  of  life  that  come  to  us  one  after 
another  are  the  means  that  nature  uses  to 
thump  a  little  sense  into  our  thick  skulls. 

Now  let  me  give  you  a  little  dictionary 
knowledge.  To  do  right  means  to  act  in 
harmony  with  Nature's  laws,  Nature's 
ways,  Nature's  methods  of  evolution.  I 
don't  mean  human  nature;  I  mean  the  big 
Nature.  To  do  wrong  means  to  act  out  of 
harmony  with  Nature's  laws. 


In  order  to  become  free  we  must  learn 
the  right  and  live  it.  We  must  get  in 
line  with  Nature's  methods.  We  don't  be- 
come free  by  dynamiting  a  czar  or  a  news- 
paper building,  or  by  cursing  bad  luck. 

We  must  change  our  minds  in  harmony 
with  the  mind  of  Nature,  and  make  her 
wants  our  wants,  and  her  pleases  our 
pleases,  and  then  we  can  do  as  we  please, 
because  we  please  to  do  right. 

A  wild  bird  put  in  a  large  cage  will  fly 
against  the  walls  of  the  cage  trying  to  get 
out.  In  time  it  learns  where  the  walls  are 
and  that  it  is  useless  to  fly  against  them. 
It  becomes  content  to  live  in  its  prescribed 
area.  It  gets  food  and  water  and  a  place 
to  build  its  nest.  It  has  everything  It 
needs.  And  by  and  by  it  reduces  its  wants 
to  its  needs.  If  it  were  wise  enough,  it 
could  see  that  its  cage  walls  instead  of 
being  prison  walls  are  safety  walls,  pro- 
tecting it  from  cats  and  snakes  and  other 
enemies. 

We  are  caged  animals.  You  may  not  like 
it.  And  you  may  deny  it.  But  how  are 
you  going  to  help  it? 

We  are  surrounded  with  walls  of  natural 
laws  that  silently  say  to  us,  **Thus  far 
Shalt  thou  go  and  no  farther.*'  But  we 
feel  we  are  in  prison,  and  our  rights  denied 
us,  and  we  bump  our  fool  heads  against 
one  law  of  Nature  and  then  against  an- 
other until  we  become  sore  physically  and 
mentally.    In  time  we  shall  learn  that  we 


cannot  "break  the  bars  of  our  cage — ^that 
w©  can  not  break  the  laws  of  nature — ^but 
that  we  only  break  ourselves  in  bumping 
against  them.  When  we  learn  that  these 
laws  are  good  for  us  and  not  bad,  when  we 
learn  that  the  laws  do  exist,  and  learn 
what  they  are  and  live  in  harmony  with 
them,  then  we  shall  cease  getting  sore 
heads  and  sick  stomachs  and  despondencies. 

When  our  wants  and  our  pleases  become 
one  with  the  wants  and  pleases  of  Nature, 
then  we  can  do  as  we  please.  Then  we 
shall  be  free,  in  a  cage  of  inflexible,  un- 
changeable laws.  Then  we  shall  continu- 
ously live  on  Freedom  HilL  Then  we  shall 
have  buried  in  freedom  hill  cemetery  hate 
and  gossip,  anger  and  fault-finding,  envy 
and  jealousy,  and  many  more  of  our  pres- 
ent day  enjoyable  companions. 

If  I  should  name  all  the  things  that  we 
shall  have  to  kill  out  and  bury  before  we 
reach  the  top  of  freedom  hill,  you  would 
say  on©  might  as  well  cut  his  throat  and 
bleed  to  nothingness.  When  a  patient  was 
told  by  his  doctor  that  he  must  quit  the 
use  of  co£fee,  pork  and  hot  biscuits,  the  pa- 
tient replied,  **Well,  doctor,  I  would  starve 
to  death;  what  else  is  there  to  eat?"  And 
when  we  are  told  to  give  up  the  pleasures 
of  sense  and  emotion,  as  pleasures,  we 
think  there  is  nothing  els©  to  live  for,  and 
that  we  might  as  well  die  dead  and  be  done 
with  it. 

Perhaps   we   have    faculties   within   us, 


dormant  now,  that  could  furnish  us  many 
times  the  pleasure  we  now  enjoy.  If  we 
could  waken  these  sleeping  faculties  and 
get  them  active,  we  might  find  life  worth 
living  every  hour.  Now  we  are  flounder- 
ing and  squirming  in  a  slimy  mud  hole, 
seeking  a  bite  of  this  and  a  smell  of  that 
and  a  sight  of  something  else,  for  pleas- 
ure, knowing  that  the  bite  might  sicken  us, 
a  contrary  wind  might  bring  us  a  rotten 
odor,  and  that  our  eyes  might  be  splashed 
with  mud  the  next  minute. 

We  are  seeking  pleasure  in  the  midst  of 
sorrow  knowing  that  we  shall  get  about  as 
much  of  one  as  of  the  other.  But  we  con- 
tinue to  wallow  in  the  mud  because  we 
haven't  developed  wings.  We  don't  even 
know  that  wings  are  sprouting  under  our 
shoulder  blades. 

If  we  would  make  favorable  conditions 
for  the  growth  of  wings  and  other  dormant 
faculties,  we  would  in  time  get  out  of  the 
mud  and  slime  and  slop,  and  could  enjoy 
pleasures  that  have  no  bitter  with  the 
sweet.  There  are  sweets  that  have  no 
l)itter.  The  sweets  of  sensation  and  emo- 
tion have  their  bitter.  If  we  take  their 
sugar  and  honey,  we  must  also  take  their 
quinine  and  cascara.  But  the  sweets  of 
intellect,  of  reason,  of  pure  love,  of  good 
will,  leave  no  bad  taste  in  the  mouth.  And 
there  are  said  to  be  other  faculties  un- 
known and  not  even  suspected  by  most  peo- 
ple, that  one  might  indulge  in  freely  with- 


out  fear  of  headache,  coated  tongue,  or  re- 
morse of  conscience. 

If  we  would  leave  off  part  of  the  culti- 
vation of  the  lower  sweets  and  give  the 
higher  a  chance  to  grow,  we  might  become 
convinced  that  Nature  has  a  lot  of  good 
things^  in  store  for  us.  Shakespeare  said, 
**You  cannot  hear  the  nightingale  sing 
while  the  geese  are  cackling.**  The  geese 
and  ducks  and  guineas  keep  our  ears  so 
full  of  noise,  that  we  cannot  hear  the 
nightingale  and  the  canary  and  the  mock- 
ing bird.  If  we  would  get  far  enough  away 
from  civilized  geese  and  ducks  and  old 
hens,  we  might  hear  finer  music.  If  we 
would  call  a  halt  on  sensation  and  emo- 
tion, we  might  feel  and  hear  and  know 
something  that  would  tickle  much  stronger 
— and  continuously. 

If  there  is  any  kind  of  tickling  that 
tickles  permanently,  that  is  the  kind  we 
want.  The  tickling  we  now  indulge  in  to 
get  a  little  pleasure,  while  waiting  for  the 
undertaker,  is  not  permanent.  No  matter 
how  fine  a  dinner  we  sit  down  to,  in  about 
half  an  hour  the  mouth  tickling  must  stop 
and  the  stomach  ache  begins. 

I  think  it  was  Jonah  who  tried  to  run 
away  from  God.  According  to  the  story 
he  did  not  succeed,  but  instead  ran  into 
the  mouth  of  God.  Some  modem  people 
want  to  gain  Freedom  by  running  away 
from  all  established  laws  and  get  where 
their  own  sweet,  selfish  wills  shall  be  the 


law.  Tbey  will  have  to  go  outside  the  uni- 
verse to  find  such  a  place.  There  Is  no 
lawless  land  in  the  universe  for  home- 
steading. 

The  laws  of  nature  are  everywhere  and 
they  are  there  all  the  time.  They  are  in 
every  atom.  And  each  kind  of  atoms  has 
its  own  laws  and  acts  accordingly.  We 
learn  a  few  of  the  laws  in  studying  chem- 
istry and  physics  and  astronomy  and 
botany.  The  laws  of  Nature  have  not  yet 
all  been  printed.  If  they  were  all  printed 
they  would  make  a  book  larger  than  an 
encyclopedia. 

There  are  so  many  many  laws  to  learn. 
One  day  I  asked  Luther  Burbank  how  he 
learned  his  business,  and  he  said  he  didn't 
learn  it  from  any  book.  He  said  there  was 
no  book  that  taught  it;  that  he  had  gotten 
more  help  from  Darwin's  works  than  any- 
where else.  I  asked  him  why  he  didn't 
write  a  book  teaching  it,  and  he  said  it 
could  not  be  put  in  one  book;  that  it  would 
require  about  twenty  volumes  to  tell  it. 

I  mention  this  story  of  Burbank  to  let 
you  know  I  have  associated  with  great 
people.  You  would  never  suspect  I  am 
great  unless  I  told  you  how  I  became  so. 

If  it  takes  twenty  volumes  to  tell  the 
known  laws  pertaining  to  the  crossing  of 
plants,  I  suppose  it  would  take  a  hundred 
volumes  to  tell  the  laws  of  social  relation- 
ships. And  to  tell  all  the  laws  in  aU  the 
departments  of  Nature,  I  guess  it  would 


take  about  a  million  books,  whicb  is  a 
discouraging  number,  in  view  of  the  fact 
that  we  must  obey  all  the  laws  or  suffer 
the  consequences. 

But  there  are  short  cuts.  You  know  in 
mathematics  we  have  the  multiplication 
table  and  cancellation  and  logarithms  and 
other  short  cuts.  And  in  the  laws  of  social 
relationships  we  have  short  cuts  also.  If 
we  learn  one  law — ^the  law  of  love — and 
follow  it,  we  may  be  ignorant  of  all  the 
rest  of  the  laws  as  to  how  we  should  treat 
our  neighbors,  and  still  get  along  pretty 
well.  If  we  love  our  neighbor,  we  shall  do 
unto  him  as  we  would  have  him  do  unto 
us.  If  we  love  him  we  shall  treat  him 
just  about  right.  If  we  love — ^I  don't 
mean  hugging,  I  mean  love.  If  we  love 
our  neighbor  we  shall  treat  him  a  good 
deal  better  than  we  have  been  doing. 
Some  one  has  said  *'IiOve  is  the  fulfilling 
of  the  law.** 

If  any  of  you  should  come  across  an  ad- 
vertisement of  love  powders,  of  which,  by 
taking  one  dose  three  times  a  day,  one 
would  be  made  to  love  people,  I  wish  you 
would  send  me  the  address.  If  the  price  is 
not  over  three  dollars  a  dram  it  would  be 
the  cheapest  method  of  becoming  happy 
that  I  know  of.  I  want  to  buy  a  barrel  of 
it.  I  want  to  take  about  a  bushel  myself, 
and  administer  the  balance  to  the  unhappy 
people  I  meet. 

If  by  some  powder,  pills  or  process  we 


could  learn  to  love  people,  the  most  of  our 
troubles  would  disappeax. 

If  I  were  a  preacher  I  would  preach  a 
series  of  sermons  on  love,  taking  for  my 
text  the  words  of  Paul,  ''Love  suffereth 
long  and  is  kind;  love  envieth  not;  is  not 
puffed  up;  seeketh  not  its  own;  is  not  pro- 
voked; taketh  no  account  of  evil;  beareth 
all  things,  hopeth  all  things,  endureth  aU 
things."  I  would  give  my  blessed  breth- 
ren enough  good  points  to  practice  on  for 
months,  while  I,  myself,  visited  the  ladies, 
ate  fried  chicken,  scolded  my  wife,  and 
boxed  the  children  around  to  make  them 
keep  still  while  I  said  family  prayers. 

We  don't  all  read  the  natural  law  books, 
and  but  few  of  us  go  to  college.  So  we 
have  a  poor  chance  to  learn  what  the  nu- 
merous laws  require  of  us.  But  Nature 
has  a  surer  way  of  teaching  us  than  by 
schools  and  books.  Life.  Life  is  Nature's 
schoolmaster  for  us.  We  can  evade  the 
truant  officer  and  keep  out  of  school;  we 
may  refuse  to  read  books;  but  the  experi- 
ences of  life  we  cannot  escape,  and  they 
will  teach  us  in  time.  Life  will  teach  not 
only  wise  people  but  fools  also.  So  I  am 
included  in  the  University  of  Hard  Knocks 
as  well  as  you. 

And  the  reward  card  that  Nature  gives 
us  for  attending  the  school  of  life  regu- 
larly and  not  being  tardy,  is  the  pleasure 
of  conscious  existence.  And  the  reward 
card  that  Nature  give  us  for  learning  our 


lessons,  is  the  joy  of  liaving  a  good  time. 
If  we  don't  learn  our  lessons,  Nature  pun- 
ishes us  by  bumping  us  and  scratching  us, 
and  bruising  us,  and  giving  us  the  stomach 
ache  and  the  headache  and  the  heart-ache, 
and  melancholy  and  fear  and  jealousy,  and 
aU  the  other  disagreeable  things  of  life. 
Every  pain  we  suffer  is  the  result  of  our 
violation  of  some  natural  law  that  we 
haven't  yet  learned,  or  haven't  obeyed. 
You  may  not  agree  with  this.  We  don't 
like  to  blame  ourselves  for  our  troubles. 
We  prefer  to  blame  the  meanness  or  ignor- 
ance of  somebody  else.  Blaming  somebody 
else  is  the  opiate  we  use  to  deaden  our 
nerves  of  responsibility.  We  ought  to  go 
to  a  Keeley  cure  and  get  this  opium  habit 
cured. 

Suffering  is  Nature's  method  of  teaching 
all  her  scholars,  especially  the  dull  ones. 
Whenever  we  suffer  it  is  because  we 
haven't  yet  learned  or  accepted  some  law 
of  Nature.  I  am  not  anxious  about  teach- 
ing people  what  I  think  I  know.  Nature 
has  provided  means  for  teaching  everyone 
all  he  needs  to  know. 

Nature's  last  resort  method  of  teaching, 
which  is  by  suffering,  will,  in  time,  compel 
us  to  stop  and  think  and  learn, — in  self- 
defense  if  for  no  other  reason.  If  we  can't 
or  won't  learn  our  lessons  with  our  heads, 
Nature  will  compel  us  to  learn  with  our 
hides.  I  am  not  anxious  to  teach  you  how 
to    be   happy    tho'    miserable,    for   I    am 


sure  Nature  is  capable  of  teaching  you 
without  my  help.  Neither  is  Nature 
anxious.  She  knows  she  has  us  cornered 
and  we  simply  have  to  learn  by  one  method 
or  another.  And  if  we  will  not  learn  by 
any  other,  Nature  will  try  her  last  resort 
method  and  we  shall  suffer  and  suffer  until 
we  do  re-think  and  turn  round. 

I  once,  when  a  boy  in  Indiana,  had  the 
chills  and  fever  regularly  every  other  day 
for  four  long  weeks  before  1  was  willing  to 
take  nasty  quinine.  When  we  have  had 
pleasure  and  pain  long  enough  we  shall  be 
willing  to  take  our  quinine  and  get  cured 
of  pleasure  and  pain  and  settle  down  to 
enjoy  happiness — peace. 

As  soon  as  we  come  into  this  world  our 
mothers  begin  swinging  us  to  and  fro.  We 
are  given  too  much  milk  and  we  get  the 
colic  and  then  we  are  given  catnip  tea. 
Tor  several  months  we  vibrate  between 
colic  and  catnip,  colic  and  catnip,  pins  and 
crying,  tickling  and  torture.  If  we  survive 
the  catnip  and  torture  and  become  old 
enough  to  walk,  we  climb  into  a  swing,  and 
the  balance  of  our  lives  we  swing  back  and 
forth  between  the  pairs  of  opposites. 
Swinging,  swinging,  all  day  long,  year 
after  year,  between — 

heat  and  cold, 

pleasure  and  pain, 

green  apples  and  stomach  ache, 
sliding    down   the   banisters    and    getting 
hurt, 


cliampagiie  and  real  pain, 

laughing  and  crying, 

blessing  and  cursing. 

We  propel  tlie  swing  to  the  pleasant  side 
and  try  to  hold  it  there,  hut  it  swings  hack 
to  the  other  side  just  as  far. 

When  in  high  school  I  learned  from 
Steele's  ** Fourteen  Weeks  in  Physics," 
that  "reaction  is  equal  to  action,  and  in 
the  opposite  direction.*'  If  this  law  of 
physics  applies  to  the  metaphysical  world, 
then  after  we  act  toward  pleasure,  there 
will  be  a  re-action  toward  pain.  You  may 
not  like  this  arrangement,  and  you  may 
deny  it.  And  I  don't  blame  you.  I  don't 
like  it  myself.  If  the  Lord  had  consulted 
me  before  he  built  this  universe  and  estab- 
lished its  laws,  I  could  have  told  Tiini  a  few 
things.  Couldn't  you?  My  wisdom  is 
never  appreciated. 

We  insist  on  seeking  pleasure  because  we 
think  that  pleasant  sensations  and  emo- 
tions are  the  only  things  in  life  worth  liv- 
ing for.  And  it  takes  us  999,999  years  to 
learn  that  pain  always  follows  pleasure. 
We  keep  on  swinging,  thinking  that,  if  the 
swing  stopped,  we  would  be  dead.  When 
the  swing  QLuits  swinging  we  shall  not  be 
dead.  We  shall  be  at  peace,  more  alive 
than  ever,  enjoying  everything  instead  of 
only  half  the  things  as  we  are  now  doing. 
We  try  to  find  happiness  by  getting  more 
of  the  things  we  want  and  less  of  the 
things  we  don't  want.    We  try  to  get  more 


wages  and  less  work;  more  pie  and  less 
dyspepsia;  more  sense  gratification  and  less 
pain.  After  ten  thousand  failures  to  get 
evergreen  happiness  in  that  way,  we  may 
suspect  we  are  on  the  wrong  track.  And 
we  may  conclude  that  happiness  comes 
from  some  other  source. 

Nature  is  working  for  our  interests,  and 
she  insists  that  we  learn  how  to  be  happy, 
even  if  we  have  to  be  made  miserable  in 
order  to  learn  it.  If  we  won't  take  a  hint, 
she  gives  us  a  kick. 

Nature  does  not  conscript,  but  if  we  do 
not  volunteer  to  join  her,  she  will  make 
life  for  us  so  miserable,  that  by  and  by 
we  will  volunteer  in  order  to  get  out  of 
our  misery. 

When  we  learn  to  respect  and  love  Na- 
ture's wiU,  then  Nature  ceases  to  be  our 
master,  and  becomes  our  servant.  By 
learning  her  ways,  and  working  in  har- 
mony with  her  we  can  accomplish  what- 
ever we  wish,  because  our  wishes  will  then 
correspond  with  her  wishes. 

As  long  as  we  try  to  follow  our  own  ig- 
norant, selfish  wills,  trying  to  have  things 
our  ways  we  shall  be  in  confiict  with  Na- 
ture's wiU  and  her  ways  and  we  shall  have 
trouble.  We  must  kill  out  our  little 
selfish  self. 

If  we  learn  to  believe  in  Nature's  will 
and  accept  it  as  being  right  and  best,  and 
learn  to  live  in  harmony  with  it,  then  in- 
harmony  will  disappear  and  we  shall  be  at 


peace,  contented  and  free.  And  we  can 
each  accomplish  this  alone,  as  many  peo- 
ple have  done  in  the  centuries  past,  with- 
out waiting  for  snails  to  catch  up  with  us. 

Then  we  shall  be  surrounded  and  pro- 
tected by  Nature's  laws.  We  can  do  just 
as  we  please  because  we  please  to  obey  Na- 
ture and  act  in  harmony  with  her.  We 
can  have  just  what  we  want,  because  we 
shall  want  only  what  Nature  gives  us, 
knowing  that  Nature  will  give  just  the 
right  conditions  and  right  amount.  And  we 
shall  get  nothing  but  what  we  want,  be- 
cause we  shall  learn  to  want  just  what  we 
get,  knowing  we  shall  get  just  what  we 
deserve,  and  all  we  need  and  nothing  but 
what  is  good  for  us. 

We  have  aligned  ourselves  with  Nature. 
We  have  gone  into  partnership  with  the 
spirit  of  Nature,  and  her  interests  are  our 
interests,  her  will  is  our  will.  We  find 
that  all  things  work  together  for  good. 

We  know  that  no  harm  can  come  to  us. 
If  Nature  is  for  us,  who  can  be  against  us? 

Externally  we  may  be  actively  con- 
cerned; but  internally,  at  the  heart  of 
being,  we  are  at  peace,  enjoying  evergreen 
happiness — resting  securely,  contentedly, 
on  Freedom  Hill. 

The  End. 

Quit  reading  here  and  do  a  little 
thinking. 


LISTEN 

TMs  is  the  first  of  a  series  of  booklets 
to  be  printed,  dealing  with  life  and  free- 
dom and  happiness.    Other  subjects  are: 

** Freedom  From  Fond  Friends.*'  How 
to  vaccinate  against  them. 

** Henry's  Glass  Eye  Story.'*  Gives  my 
experience  with  doctors,  healing  friends 
and  enjoying  sickness." 

**My  Conceit  Machine."  Cures  enlarge- 
ment of  self-esteem. 

** Falling  in  Love  Again  and  Again." 
Contains  the  germ   of  love  sickness  and 
how  not  to  cure  it. 

**The  Divinity  of  the  Devil."  Guaran- 
teed to  cure  devilishness. 

**  Usefulness  of  Useless  Husbands." 
Cures  grass  widows*  sorrows. 

** Christian  Science  Soothing  Syrup," 
Beats  Mrs.  Winslow*s  soothing  syrup. 

**How  to  Take  People  Without  Getting 
Hurt.**     Better  than  Sloan *s  liniment. 

Price  twenty-five  cents  a  dose.  And  if 
you  don*t  find  them  good  medicine  for 
what  ails  you,  send  them  back  and  I  will 
return  your  cents,  accompanied  with  a 
prayer  that  your  eyes  might  be  opened  to 
see  the  beauty  of  ugliness,  the  goodness  of 
meanness,  the  divinity  of  the  devil. 


41501J 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CAUFOF 


